Category Archives: funny

by

I Speak For the Bees

So last weekend I decided to clean off the patio. We live in an apartment and the only “private” outdoor area we have to ourselves is a 8 X 10 deck. The weather was beautiful and I wanted to be able to soak in some rays while reading a book outdoors.   I have been really ambitious this year growing tomatoes, so I was fussing about with some rather large plants and one in a “Topsy Turvy” (those infomercial things where you grow the plants upside down).  Well the upside-down one wasn’t doing so well and I thought I would switch spots with it and a beautiful bird feeder my Mom made out of a gourd for me many years ago.  I had it hanging up in hopes that, like last year, some birds would make a nest in and have some babies.

I moved the tomatoes and set the gourd on a table. I then started to notice bees.  Quite a lot of bees. And

Bumble Bee Home

Bumble Bee Home

they seemed agitated.  On closer inspection , I noticed that they were flying in and out of the opening in the  bird house.  Apparently, they were making a nest in it.  One or two started flying around my head, I freaked out and ran inside to tell Dave what I had done/found.  He came out to look and said that we could kill them.  I wasn’t sure what to do.

In my freaking out and running back and that they help food to grow, and oh something else about africanized-attack-killer bees.  So I was a bit conflicted about what to do.  I mean they weren’t flies or mosquito, they were bees. Bees are generally good and sort of keep the world going around. And I felt pretty certain that they weren’t killer bees or I would be a bee-stung swollen mess already and struggling for air.

See Bees - I Speak For the Bees - Just Remember to Breathe

See, Bees!

So I told Dave I didn’t think we should kill them, thought maybe I could find someone to relocate them and yes, I know how Portlandia that sounds.  Nonetheless I started looking online and found a number of bee enthusiasts that said they would come get your bees and take them to a happy bee place where they could live their happy bee lives in peace.  I started exchanging emails with one really nice guy who offered to come over with his bee hat, bee suit and bee smoker.  The process would be for him to come over at dusk (because that’s when bees slowdown) He would then use his bee smoker on them to make them even more docile and then try to shake them into his hive.  Yay great, bee issue solved!

Well no, it turns out that after he showed my bee pictures around, he realized that they were not honeybees but some type of bumblebee and he only dealt with honeybees.  He gave me the name of an exterminator and they said I could just cover the hole of the gourd and wait until they died.  Not really what I wanted to do.

In the meantime the bee-guy had put up an ad on Craigslist and a couple of people said they wanted the bumble bees.  But the week was busy with other stuff and I didn’t want random people coming through the house who may or may not be well versed in how to “re-home” bees and drag the nest and bunch of angry bees through our apartment. It just started to sound like a bad scene out of a  Ben Stiller comedy.

So after all of that, I finally decided to see just how bad it was hanging out with the bees.  I sat out on my deck for an hour or so to see if they would bother me or worse sting me.  They didn’t, they just buzzed back and forth doing whatever it is that bees do all they.  They were truly “busy bees”.  Dave pointed out that maybe there was a lesson here about getting along with your neighbor and we should just let them be.  So Dave then bravely decided he could move them with a stick to a hook outside our window but not over our deck.  He successfully transported them and didn’t even get stung, even though they totally started surrounding his head (which I decided not to point out while he was moving them).  The bees were NOT happy for a few hours and kept flying back to where they had last seen their home and queen and generally freaking out.  I kept feeling bad about it and worried that they would never find their way home. It was only 10 feet away from where it had been but apparently that is much further to a bee.  There was one sad bumblebee that kept flying into the corner railing and bonking into to it numerous times.

Anyway, the bees seem to be OK now.  Periodically I can even hear them buzzing into the gourd like bombers.  So everyone is happy now.  I hope I get good tomatoes out of this.

Glorious Bumble Bee - I Speak For the Bees - Just Remember to Breathe

Glorious Bumblebee - (Check it Out at Fine Art America)

Some things you might like to know about bumblebees:

  • They are very good pollinators and so great to have in your garden to keep it growing.
  • They like to make homes in dirt, logs and (as I found out) old bird houses. So if you have a bird house not in use with the bird nesting stuff still in it and DON’T want bees, clean it out.
  • If you have bees somewhere you don’t want them and want to find out how to re-home them without killing them.  Check out this website for information and people local to you that can help with your bees: http://www.bees-on-the-net.com/menu-list.html
  • Here is a very depressing documentary on the Vanishing Bees: http://www.vanishingbees.com/
by

Why Isn’t the Universe Cooperating?

So I am in month three of voluntary unemployment and I have learned some things:

  1. Whatever amount of time I thought it will take to decompress I should have multiplied by two (at least).  I really thought that after 1 month I would be raring to go on writing and everything else I planned to tackle.  But 20 years of gradual but constant stress takes longer to unwind from than I thought it would. The first two weeks all I could do was watch movies and maybe shower.  By the end of the first month I was ready to go outside again and deal with humans and Dave and I took a week-long road trip.  But, it still took me a little longer to start NEVER under-estimate your need for decompression.
  2. Be flexible: Whatever master plan you had before you quit may not pan out the way you hoped. My plan was to  write like crazy and in between that Jazzercise like Jane Fonda.  Well with my heart stuff (see previous post) coming into play and answers from my doctor taking many more visits than I expected, my time has not played out the way I planned. Time just gets sucked up somehow or another  and zip another day is gone.   Appointments, errands, dawdling (yes I now have time the dawdle!)
  3. The bad habits and behaviors I had when working 40 hours didn’t magically go away when I quit my job.  I was a stress case when I worked. Even though I (eventually) wasn’t worrying about my old job, I discovered that the stress went somewhere else like stressing about my heart.(Oh irony) Beware the traveling bad habits.

Yes I am only in month 3 of this time off and I am already analyzing this (see item #3 above) My initial goal is to do not need a “real” job until at least the end of the year and so far so good. What I am starting to understand is that I need to be flexible and stop worrying so much if the my world is sticking to the plan.  I need to trust myself more and enjoy the ride.

I have of course also discovered some awesome things about time off.  For the first time in I don’t know how long, I am “present” most of the time.  I actually find myself paused in a moment truly enjoying it.  I am writing and enjoying it, making some headway on the dating book I am working on (that process is a whole other post).  I still have a way to go on this adventure but the world is swirling around me a bit slower these days and for that I am thankful.